Monday, April 29, 2013

Foxes grow gray, but few grow good.

Those graying foxes in the ACLU and the out-of-control courts are sadly mistaken.
America's founding fathers never intended freedom FROM religion. All fifty states in the union expressed faith and gratefulness to God in the preambles of their constitution.
Missouri's Preamble states:
Missouri 1845, Preamble: We, the people of Missouri , with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, and grateful for His goodness, establish this Constitution . . .
Do you know your own state's preamble? You will find God acknowledged there. That is not the same as demanding that Americans must worship Him.

SADIE SAYS: One gray fox said to a young boy, "I'll give you a candy bar if you can show me where God is." The boy answered, "I'll give you two if you can show me where He isn't."  

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Almost Made It, But I'm Aiming Higher.

   With shaking fingers, I tore the Fed-ex envelope open. The next moment I was lying on the floor, laughing     hysterically.
It was March 13, 1987, just two weeks after I mailed in my contest entry to replace the most popular advice columnist in America, Ann Landers. She was leaving the Chicago Sun Times for the Chicago Tribune.   Then-editor Matthew Storin informed me that my entry had made the top 111 out of eleven thousand contestants from across the nation. Woohoo! This letter would be framed and hung on the wall.
My vanity showed me pictures of myself appearing on television interviews, speaking, lecturing, and writing books that publishers would cry for. Maybe the Sun Times would even send a limousine to pick me up and drive me from Rockford into Chicago every day. I’d wear a stylish hat to match my coat and gloves.
On April 5th, Matthew Storin sent out letters of regret. I received one of them and promptly tossed it in the trashcan. As a free-lance writer, I have had some experience with rejection (very, slight experience). It was quite devastating (the one time it happened) but I soon realized one editor's rejection is not the final word. There is no end to hope...unless Hope wanted to be the next Ann Landers.
Dear Editor, One happy writer will soon be sitting at Ann Landers’ former desk. Does she use phrases such as, “you know” and “goes like” in her sentences? If so, perhaps the editors have chosen the wrong person.
However, it’s not too late. I will be available until some time after 2025. After that, I’m sure I’ll be very busy, so please keep my number handy. –Signed Opportunity Waits But Not for Long.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Sister Mary Solved The Problem

 Dear Sara and Sadie, 
An elite private school for young girls
faced a unique problem. After they put on their lipstick, the girls would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the
maintenance man removed them, and the next day the girls put them back.
Finally, Sister Mary called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all the lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).
To demonstrate the difficulty, Sister Mary asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the
mirror with it.  Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers...... And then there are educators!
If this principal ran for office I would vote for her.
--Signed, Kinta Reader
SADIE SAYS: Nuns continually teach and preach against the evils of modern fashion, even though today's revealing styles don't leave enough thread to talk about.  I suspect Sister Mary would say there is nothing hidden that should be uncovered. 

Sense and Nonsense, Look How Far We've Come

Sense & Nonsense

By Sara and Sadie

What the School board Expected in the 1800s:

Miss Prudence, you must teach reading, writing, prayers, and simple math. Use repetition from the Bible and the Christian Horn Book.
We expect the highest moral and ethical standards from you and your students.
Start the day with prayer and the Pledge of Allegiance.
Never smoke or be seen in a public place where liquor is served.
Courtship is discouraged, but if you do accept a suitor, you must never be seen in public without a chaperone.

What the Schoolboard Expects Today: Updated Mar 5, 2013
Ms. Lezben,any references to Christmas or Easter are not tolerated. 
We respect the Islamics, the Hindus, the Wiccans, etc.
To protect transgender students from discrimination, all students are welcome everywhere on campus-- including the restrooms of their choice. 
In order to protect students from feelings of inadequacy, we do not fail anyone, or make a show of rewarding excellence.
Elementary children should be able to “define sexual orientation.” Eighth graders must be able to “define emergency contraception and its use.”
Ninety percent of pollsters say that to require teachers not to get drunk on weekends interferes with personal liberty. However, we do discourage getting drunk with students.

SADIE SAYS: The board forgot to ask if Ms. Lezben can shoot a gun.