Questions For The Wife of a Fool
By Guest Blogger Jodi Green. Her story will resonate with so many wives who have discovered their knight has lost his shining armor.
By Guest Blogger Jodi Green. Her story will resonate with so many wives who have discovered their knight has lost his shining armor.
1 Samuel 25 gives us the story of a
wealthy, intelligent and beautiful woman named
Abigail. She is more intimidating to
me than the Proverbs 31 woman. In fact, if I could go back
in history and interview anyone, it
would be Abigail. Here are the questions I would ask.
So, Abigail, how
does a wife submit to a man known as a fool? Throughout the
centuries we have taken our hats off to you for your example of a
faithful wife. But really…how did you do it? How did you take
responsibility for his idiotic decisions? Obviously in ancient times
you had far fewer choices than we have today. But even so, weren’t
you at all tempted to tell David and his henchmen exactly where to
find your drunken, foolish husband?
How did you end up
married to Nabal the fool? Did your parents arrange the marriage?
Did you see him with rose-colored glasses in the beginning? Was he
always known as a fool, or was he respected in the community at one
time? Was anyone else aware of the difficult road you walked? Was
anyone your confidant?
We know from your
words to David that your source of strength was supernaturally from
God. We see that you obviously spent deep private moments with the
King of kings. What were your deepest prayers? What did you desire
most from your Creator? What did He speak to your heart in those
quiet moments? Were you ever so discouraged over your circumstances
that you wanted to quit? How did God let you know that He would take
care of you? What did you do every day to find rest for your soul in
the middle of turmoil? Were you able to spend as much time alone
with God as you wanted? Did you struggle before God with the “whys”
of your life?
What about your
in-laws? How did you deal with the people who raised “the fool?”
Did you sometimes want to give your mother-in-law a piece of your
mind for how he was? Didn’t you want to ask her what she did in
raising him, so that you could do the opposite with your own
children?
Speaking of
children, the Bible gives no record of any children from your
marriage to Nabal. Was that by choice? What on earth would you have
told your children about their father? Would you have tried to take
responsibility for him there? Would you have tried to shelter them
from knowing the truth about their father? What would you have done
if any of your children had inherited his tendencies? Or worse, what
if they had admired him and copied his ways?
Did you ever try to
change him? How did you cope when you first realized what a fool he
was? Was there any gratification in the fact that his foolish ways
were well-known? Or did that bring you further humiliation? How did
you remain loyal to a husband like Nabal? Where did you go in your
heart to deal with your own emotional needs? Did you pretend in
front of him that things were fine? Were you afraid of him?
How did you come to
have such an intimate relationship with God? Was your difficult
marriage the very thing that drew you closer to your heavenly Father?
Were you ever angry with God for your circumstances? Were the words
you said to David words that God had whispered to your own heart?
Did you ever look down the long road of your future with despair?
Did you wonder if you would always be able to cope with Nabal through
the years? Did you ever wish he were dead?
Did having plenty
of money help your situation any? Many of us with financial burdens
often imagine that life would be so much easier if we had enough to
pay the bills. Was it easier? Did you have any years where money
was tight? Did you ever have to suffer need as the result of his
foolish financial decisions? I don’t get the feeling that Nabal
would have been open to any financial advice from his wife. How did
you deal with that? Did you point out things to your husband? Or
did you stay silent? Were you always able to leave your needs in
God’s hands? Did you feel frustrated not to be able to see how you
could be rescued? Did your faith ever falter under the strain?
How intimate was
your relationship with Nabal? Did you long to be able to have an
open and respectable conversation with him? Did you ever try to
share your feelings with him? Or was it easier to just smile and
keep your thoughts to yourself? Did you ever try to point out his
foolish ways? How much suffering came because of his attitude toward
you?
Did you stick by
Nabal because you had no other options? Or was it because you vowed
before God, “ ‘Til death do us part.”? Could you have gone
back to your father’s house and explained the situation? Did
anyone think you should just be happy to have a husband?
I want to go back
to why you stood up for Nabal before David. Was that something you
regularly had to do? Did you have to do that to protect your own
well-being? Did you imagine what your life would be like without
Nabal? Why did you protect him from David and his men? Did you not
see that as a way out of a painful and difficult situation? Or was
there security in knowing how things were? Your servants obviously
knew about Nabal’s foolishness and they felt comfortable speaking
to you openly about him. How did you keep your respectability with
them?
Did you ever spend
emotional energy wondering how your life would be without Nabal? Did
you love him in spite of his flaws? How does a woman cope with a
difficult situation that she cannot change? Did you try to change
your situation? Did you long for things to be different in your
marriage? Or were you always accepting of it? Were there ever any
pleasant moments with Nabal? Or did you sit by the fire at night
alone? How does a woman find contentment for her soul when outward
circumstances scream pain and frustration? Did you struggle with
contentment?
How did Nabal’s
drinking affect you? Did he get drunk often or only occasionally?
Did you have to make excuses for him? Or did everyone around just
accept the situation and steer clear? Did you plead with him not to
drink? Were you ever secretly glad that he was too drunk for
conversation? Was he meaner when he was drunk? Or was he more
foolish? Did you have to deal with him alone?
Did your painful
marriage cause you to want to warn other women about marrying a man
like Nabal? What would you have taught your own daughters about
marriage? Again, we understand that in ancient times women did not
have the range of choices that we have today. How did your limited
options affect your ability to find contentment?
We learn so much of
your character from the eight verses you spoke to David. What were
you asking when you said, “But when the Lord has dealt with my
lord, then remember your maidservant?” Did you have any idea that
God would take you out of your situation? Was there rest and
contentment in the hope of change? Or was there “peace in the
valley” just knowing God was there?
How often did you
have to act to prevent calamity from Nabal’s foolishness? Did you
always tell him, after the fact, what you had done to save his hide?
How did you feel when he collapsed over the news of his near calamity
with David? Did you feel any relief over his demise? What about
during the ten days before he died? Did you know he was dying? Was
it difficult to care for his needs during those days? Were you
afraid of being alone if something happened to him? Was you faith
strong during those days, or did you struggle with doubts and fears?
We think of you as such a fearless and strong woman for confronting
David. Did that come from your own confidence in God’s
sovereignty? Did you see everything as being held in God’s hands,
as you mentioned several times to David? Did you feel “bound in
the bundle of the living with the Lord your God?”
We also have the
benefit of “the rest of the story” of how God rescued you. And
frankly, life on the run as a fugitive doesn’t sound exactly
“happily ever after.” What words of hope and encouragement would
you give to women in a difficult situation? I’m not sure I would
have been able to be thankful for the events that happened next for
you. Was the birth of your son with David so precious that it made
up for the pain you had been through?
How can we thank
you enough, Abigail, for the powerful example you have been through
the ages? Could you have foreseen the impact you would have on women
in difficult, even impossible circumstances? Were you able to
encourage other women during your earthly lifetime with your own deep
faith? You have certainly encouraged us through the years, and I
hope that, from your now eternal perspective, you are able to see how
profoundly grateful we are for the life you lived here on earth. I
hope that my own legacy will be even a portion of the hope and
encouragement to absolute faith in God that yours has been. Thank
you, Abigail.
