Part Three: Satan's Disciple, Johnny White continues his story:
Snitching will get you Killed.
"You know the saying, see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil? Live by it and you'll avoid a lot of the garbage. Plus these people got plenty of guys talking, so they don't you and they already know what's goin' on."
After the cardboard-tasting meatball supper, Smoke complained, "That chow sure was nasty."
Ellis answered, "It gets worse. Sometimes I can put a little something together from the commissary. You'll like it a lot better. Now, have you wrote your Mom, and didn't you say you had a BabyMa?"
Smoke shrugged. "I ain't had no envelopes or paper to write. Yeah, I gots me a babyMa. We got a little girl who just turned three. She's my everything. Name is Kyla."
"Here's paper and envelopes. Write your moms and let them know you're okay. Tell your mother you're sorry you messed up. She didn't raise you to be in this place. Send a letter to your daughter and her mother. That baby girl needs to be your main focus. Try to be a part of her life. She needs to know her dad cares. Your love will mean a lot to her. Now listen up. The love between you and her isn't marked by how many letters you get, but from how many you write to her. While you're writing, I'll throw a meal together. I hope you like spicy."
Three months later:
"Ellis, you always trying to get me to read a book. Talkin' about sharing stuff that will benefit me. Talkin' that Bible stuff. Why don't you ever talk 'bout your own bangin' days? I know you was in the Devil's Click. You was in some crazy stuff back then. But you ain't spoke of it for the three months I been your celli."
"Well Shorty, Jesus says we are accountable for every word we speak. I haven't spoken on my bangin' days for this reason. Now I've been watchin' you. I see you close to the Truth. If so, I'll make it my business."
"Why you always talkin' about truth? You ain't talkin' all that Bible stuff is you?"
Ellis looked Smoke straight in the eye with a powerful surge of conviction, not condemnation or accusation, but simple assurance that what he was about to say was in fact pure Truth. "Yes, I'm talkin' Bible, but I'm also talkin' truth about the street life which is the path you're on and the same path I followed. All that Bible stuff is what brought me to realize my past was not what I thought. You ready to hear what I have to say?"
"Ellis, Alley Boys is the only family I got. I'm not ready to give that up."
"So you're sayin' your mother, daughter, and her mother aren't your family? If I recall, your moms and your baby girl are the only ones who wrote you, sent money, visited with you, or accepted your phone calls. You ain't heard zero from an Alley Boy. What have they done for you. They're the reason you in this place. The ones who are in here, what have they done for you? They use you for your commissary or try to keep you involved with all their garbage. I know where your mind is at Smoke. I was there once. The Devil's Click was my everything. It was an addiction. There was a time when I would have given my life for my gang. There was a time when I took a life for them. No more. Like me, you need a push into Truth, so I'm gonna push."
"Ellis, you 'bout to smack me with your Bible stuff."
"I won't be harsh. Hopefully, you will see from my experience what's really true when it comes to gang bangin'. First I gotta ask you a couple of questions. You told me you believe there's a God. Do you also believe that our Father God sent His only begotten Son to die on the cross, so that our sins can be forgiven? So that we will not perish but have everlasting life?"
"Yeah. I guess so."
"Do you believe the path you have been running is a true form of happiness?"
Smoke looked uncertain. "I don't know."
"Alright let's see. I grew up in a house with a drunk and abusive father. Mainly he whopped on my mother. That was a rough start to life, specially since I was the oldest and took a lot of abuse trying to protect Mom.
"By the time I was twelve, I had been locked up twice. Petty crimes. I was already an alcoholic too. I was a drunk kid looking and searching for acceptance, for a family that I longed for and didn't have. I had brothers and sisters, but with all the craziness, the alcohol abuse, the beatings, my family lost touch with how to love each other."
"Hold on now, Ellis. You sayin' your mom didn't love you?"
"She loved me, Smoke. She just didn't know how to show it in a way that could assure me. I kept lookin' for love and a sense of family who love me back. My dad spoke of his homies and brothers from his gang bangin' days, and I got the feelin' that his boys really loved one another and looked out for each other. So I set out tryin' to find my own homies.
"I didn't have to look far. At twelve years old and lost, I guess I stood out because the Devil's Click found me and welcomed me in. They promised family, love, money, girls, parties. I was in, hook, line, and sinker. What great salesmen they were. I bought it all. I was a young fool who became a greater fool over and over for many years."
Smoke arched his brows. "How's that?"
"Oh there were parties. Drugs. Girls. Money. The so-called love and sense of family I craved seemed to be there. It just wasn't the real thing. Not sincere. It was all a lie. The excitement was addictive. Bangin' was like a drug. I couldn't get my fill. My honmies snitched on me many times, but I always let myself be suckered back in by the same lies and end up right back on the same streets.
"I was a homie bringing in new blood to join in the sellin' of drugs or to do our dirty work. Everything about me was Devil's Click stuff. I sacrificed everything including the lives of others all for the name of the lying Devil's gang."
"So you sayin' you done bagged some people?" Smoke asked, eyes a little wide.
"Listen, I'm not proud of what I done, and I will answer to God for my wrongs. But let's stay on point, which is the bold-face lies I accepted that led me to make the bad choices.
The same lies I'm trying to get you to acknowledge right now, so you'll see where you're at in life is not going to bring you the love and happiness you want.
"A gang banger robs, steals, cheats, sells drugs, does drugs that ruin lives. We shoot guns into houses and cars, not knowing or caring who might be inside them. We kill, and what do we do all this for?"
Smoke said, "Man that's simple Ellis. We do all that for respect!"
Ellis settled back. "Maybe you aren't ready to face the truth yet, Smoke. Let me give you the definition of respect. Better yet, pull that dictionary out and look it up."
"Okay, I got it. Respect: high regard; honor; esteem; feel or show honor or esteem for others."
"Right. Smoke how do you earn respect by doing those things that illegal, criminal, and destructive? Ruining your life and the life of others, stealing their property, damaging their homes, cars, and more? Gang bangers do this crap just trying to make a name for themselves, thinking that name will bring them respect, love and family. Well it doesn't! You know what my bangin' name 'Drop' got me? My full nickname was Body-Drop, which got me life in prison without parole. My so-called homies snitched on me and did absolutely nothing but use me and in the end, forget me. No letters. No money. No nothing. I did their dirty work like they wanted. In the end, I was nothing to them but a commodity."
"Stop it Ellis."
"No hold on. Let me finish."
Part Four to follow in next blog.